Kindness, Politics, and Leaving the GOP

Dedicated to my two LGBTQ kids. I see you, and I stand with you.

I did not want to write this. I really didn’t. But at 62 days until election day, now is as good a time as ever to articulate why I feel like I’ve been left behind by the political party I have voted with in every election since I was old enough to vote.

This blog has from the outset been dedicated to promoting kindness as a way to remember and honor the memory of my oldest daughter, who died by suicide in early 2018. It’s amazing what kindness can do when applied as a lens through which events in the world are filtered. For me, it has forced me to part ways with the Republican party, and more specifically to withdraw my support for the current resident of the White House.

Equal Opportunity Offender

Right from the start, I want to be sure you know if you are reading this, I will likely offend you in some way. My left-leaning friends who are thinking “it’s about time” will most certainly find something here to disagree with, and my former GOP brethren will no doubt want to write this off as “fake news biased” propaganda. To set the record straight, let me get a few things out of the way early:

1. I am the suburban-Denver father of two LQBTQ daughters who does in fact have a proverbial axe to grind.
2. I have been a loyal member of the Republican party since I was eighteen years old.
3. I changed my voter affiliation earlier this year to “Independent.”
4. I have a college education. (BA, Political Science with minor in Economics)
5. I was fortunate for many years to earn enough to have paid what I would consider more than my fair share of taxes.
6. I’m agnostic, both in terms of religion and where I get my news.
7. In the context of the political realm, I’m a nobody with a small platform.

That’s me in a nutshell. I figured you should know my biases if I expect anybody to take this seriously.

Why Republicans should be worried

Now that I’ve given some background on me, here’s why the Republican party needs to be concerned… This nobody in Colorado is your base. I am the electorate. And I fundamentally believe the party has drifted so far off course as to be unrecognizable in its current form. Hiding behind a wall of Judeo-Christian beliefs (GOP’s words, not mine) as laid out in the party’s last full platform (full platform here: https://www.gop.com/platform/), Republican leadership has chosen to be truly unkind to some of the most disenfranchised citizens in our democracy.

Kindness costs nothing. Extending legal protections for all citizens, without regard for race, color, creed, gender, sexual preference, gender identity, or any host of other individual attributes is not only the kind thing to do. It is the Constitutional thing to do… so long as an individual does not trample your Constitutionally granted rights, that individual is granted the same right to freedom of expression as you.  You don’t have to agree. You don’t have to like it. But you do have to respect it, and legally we should all enjoy the same protections granted by the Constitution.

There is absolutely no reason why protection of basic human rights needs to be the realm of only one party. Unfortunately, Democrats over the last couple decades have solidly claimed this space, with Republicans repeatedly digging their heels in against any beliefs that lacked conformity with prevalent Judeo-Christian beliefs. The one somewhat glaring exception to this is the abortion issue. I have always been somewhat baffled by the fact that Republicans have long stood on the moral high ground of preserving the rights of an unborn child, while Democrats have overlooked the human rights side in favor of the right of a woman to choose. I digress – I don’t judge either way but have always found this an odd juxtaposition.

I have watched somewhat uncomfortably over the last several years as the party I was drawn to has continued to move further into regions once reserved for the right-wing fringe. Where I have always leaned Republican based on the focus on federalism (limited central government with significant focus on states’ rights), a measure of fiscal conservatism, and strong protections for the rights granted to us by the Constitution, the party has allowed itself to be increasingly influenced by what I can only refer to as the “god and guns” far right.  In the process, it seems to have lost sight of the need to protect ALL Constitutionally granted rights for ALL citizens.

This shift goes from mere concept to clear reality when looking at how Republican leadership has chosen to selectively apply the definition of states’ rights when it comes to issues of government-prescribed morality. The best example I can give is the GOP’s continual fight to create a federal definition of marriage as between one man and one woman. This to me goes against the most basic of federalist principles when numerous states had already granted Constitutional protections for same-sex marriage. Thankfully, the US Supreme Court agreed in 2015 – and yet Republicans still seek to reshuffle the Supreme Court to reverse this ruling.

My suggestion to Republican party leaders: put down the “God’s will” arguments. Because the Constitution allows for freedom of religion, your selection of whose god to follow automatically casts aside wide swaths of your citizenry. Focus instead on basic human decency. Let kindness guide your decision making when it comes to protecting some of your most vulnerable constituents.

45 and the dismantling of LGBTQ protections

Clearly, I haven’t yet addressed the biggest elephant in the room (pun intended). Our President. 45. The Donald. My decision to leave the Republican party has been driven more by what the party has allowed Trump to get away with than anything else. Specifically, the GOP has chosen to stand behind a leader who has systematically dismantled protections for people who are LGBTQ since taking office. (Side note: I recognize the significant discord this administration has caused for people of color, but I can speak of what I know, so will focus on LGBTQ issues here.)

Unless you’ve had a reason to specifically follow the Trump administration’s record on LGBTQ issues, you’re likely not aware of just how dismal things have been. Let me help (courtesy of the National Center for Transgender Equality):

Jan 20, 2017: Inauguration Day. All mentions of LGBTQ people are scrubbed from the websites of the White House, Dept of State and Dept of Labor.

Feb 22, 2017: Dept of Justice and Education withdraws 2016 guidance on how schools must protect transgender students under Title IX.

Mar 28, 2017: Census Bureau retracts a proposal to collect demographic info on LGBT people in the 2020 US Census.

Mar 31, 2017: Dept of Justice announces it will review and likely scale back numerous civil rights settlement agreements with police departments, including many agreements including critical protections for LGBT people.

April 14, 2017: Dept of Justice abandons its lawsuit challenging North Carolina’s anti-transgender law.

Jun 14, 2017: Dept of Education withdraws its finding that an Ohio school district discriminated against a transgender girl.

Jul 26, 2017: Justice Dept files a legal brief in US Court of Appeals arguing that the 1964 Civil Rights Act does not prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation or, implicitly, gender identity.

Jul 26, 2017: President Trump announces, via Twitter, that “The United States Government will not accept or allow Transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military.”

Sep 7, 2017: Dept of Justice files legal brief in the US Supreme Court arguing for a constitutional right for businesses to discriminate on the basis on sexual orientation and, implicitly, gender identity.

Oct 5, 2017: Dept of Justice releases a memo instructing DOJ attorneys to take the legal position that federal law does not protect transgender workers from discrimination.

Feb 18, 2018: Dept of Education announces it will summarily dismiss complaints from transgender students involving exclusion from school facilities and other claims based solely on gender identity discrimination.

Mar 20, 2018: Dept of Education reiterates that Trump administration would refuse to allow transgender students to use bathrooms and locker rooms based on their gender identity.

May 11, 2018: Bureau of Prisons in the DOJ rolls back existing protections, adopting policy of almost entirely housing transgender people in facilities that match sex assigned at birth.

May 2, 2019: Dept of Health & Human Services publishes a final rule encouraging hospital officials, staff, and insurance companies to deny care to patients, including transgender patients, based on religious or moral beliefs.

July 3, 2019: Dept of Housing and Urban Development removes requirements that applicants for homelessness funding maintain anti-discrimination policies and demonstrate efforts to serve LGBT people and their families.

Aug 16, 2019: Dept of Justice files a brief in the US Supreme Court arguing that “federal law does not prohibit discrimination against transgender persons based on their transgender status.”

Mar 26, 2020: Dept of Justice files a brief in the District Court of Connecticut in opposition to a policy that allows transgender athletes to play sports with their peers.

May 15, 2020: Dept of Education issues a letter declaring that the Federal Title IX rule requires schools to ban transgender students from participating in school sports.

I know. It’s a lot to include here. But here’s the crazy thing… I didn’t include just as many things as I included on this list, including Trump’s appointment of numerous federal judges with histories of anti-LGBTQ agendas. The bottom line: his record of actively rescinding protections for people like my kids is atrocious. I’m a dad first, and that cannot stand.

It’s Time for Leadership That Unites

If you’ve gotten this far, I thank you. If you happen to be somebody, like me (but not my wife), who gave the benefit of the doubt to Trump four years ago, believing that he would rise to the level of the office of the Presidency, I’m here to give you permission to cast a different vote this time around. In a two-party system like ours, it is often said that “party trumps person” (no pun intended there). Well, today I make the case that under Donald Trump, the Republican party no longer represents the ideals that I hold dear; it is not a strong enough party with a clear enough agenda that I feel compelled to vote along a party line. That’s the whole reason I left the party earlier this year. But for those of you who still sit in that middle ground – and I’m specifically talking to the 6-7% of you who consider yourselves centrist or moderate Republicans – this is the year to tell your party to do better. This is the year to tell your party to get back to preserving the Constitution and the protections it grants ALL our citizens. This is the year to tell your party to find a new leader. This is the year to vote person over party.

A Cautionary Note for Democrats

Ah. See, I haven’t forgotten my promise at the outset – I still need to offend equally. For my Democrat and more liberal friends, I must ask you to proceed with caution as we get closer to election day. Liberals in general have tended to feel a sense of moral superiority when it comes to politics. Make no mistake about it… for all the polling showing Hillary comfortably ahead in the election four years ago, I know the shock and awe of the loss was a painful pill for you to swallow. And understand this: Hillary did not lose because of her agenda. She did not lose because of problems with the electoral college. Hillary lost the election because her morally superior tone was very belittling to people like me. She lost the middle with her “basket of deplorables” comment. She made it abundantly clear that our opinions didn’t count. Take one guess who didn’t last time. That’s right – the same guy who I’m now trying to help remove.

The moral of this story? I need you to understand just how easily potential supporters can be turned away.

My liberal friends are some of the most passionate, caring, and opinionated people I know. And it can be brutally hard to try to see things from anybody else’s perspective. But I implore you to resist the urge to repeatedly claim moral high ground. I beg you to avoid looking down your nose at somebody else because their belief system may be different. Work hard to be inclusive. Work hard to pull those of us in the middle into your tent. Work hard to not to shame someone else for having a different opinion. I want the same outcome you do in the upcoming election. And I certainly don’t want the mistake of four years ago to happen again. The danger with “owning” moral high ground is that we tend to be emboldened by our perceived righteousness, and that leads to confrontation rather than conversation. And yes, this one most certainly cuts both ways. If you are certain you’re on that high ground, it may be worth checking yourself to better see someone else’s struggle.

More than anything, now is a time for individuals with different opinions to come together. The Trump administration has operated on an agenda of divisiveness. The more discord, rancor, and infighting they can create, the easier it is to see a path to reelection. With that in mind, my ask is that if you disagree with me, let’s sit down over a beer and talk. Yes, I can in fact still be friends with people who have wildly different opinions.

We all come from different backgrounds, have been exposed to different social and moral inputs along the way, and we each have our own life experiences – however long or short those may be – to add to the mix of our own belief systems. More often than not, we don’t understand things we have not been personally exposed to. I only have to look in the mirror to see someone who had a seriously different opinion of people who are transgender right up until my own daughter came out as trans. Did I ever in a million years think I would end up advocating for trans rights? No way. Did my experience of having someone I love deeply identify as transgender completely change my outlook? You bet your ass it did (see An Unlikely Advocate). My point here is that if we are willing to open up and expose ourselves to people who look different, act different, and think differently than we do, we just might be surprised at how our views of the world are transformed.

The Looking Glass of Kindness

Promoting kindness is my way of leaving a legacy to my deceased daughter, who should be turning 28 this Saturday. In a year that has brought us COVID, serious racial divide, political turmoil, and economic hardship, it has become increasingly hard to find that kindness on a day to day basis. Do I believe Joe Biden is the end-all, be-all answer to delivering kindness in the White House? No. But he is without question a better choice than Donald Trump, who has proven himself through his own actions and his own words to be unfit for the highest office in the land. Biden is someone who will bring reverence for the office itself. He will bring a compassionate voice to a country in dire need of healing. He is, above all, a person who I can respect even if I may not agree with all his party’s positions. And make no mistake, a Biden election is the best chance the Republican party has of repairing the damage done by the closest thing to a fascist leader this country has seen in recent times. If I, a (former) lifelong Republican, can recognize the error of believing a narcissist like Trump could rise to the level of the office, so can you.

Out with the old and in with the new. Kindness wins. But hey, I’m just one nobody in Colorado…

#IAmTheElectorate